Remember that scene in the movie Tangled where Rapunzel finally leaves the tower and her feelings are a conflicted mix of "what have I done?" and "This is SOOOO AMAZING!!!!" ??? Yeah that pretty much sums up my life lately.
Oh, yeah did I mention I got a job? Only took about 6 months but I GOT A JOB! No its not in teaching and its actually not something I ever thought I'd be doing - its a receptionist position? Thats funny to me because one of my biggest fears is talking on the phone. But, I didn't have a choice. Nobody else seemed to "want" me and I needed a job so I closed my eyes and took a huge leap of faith. The first couple of days were REALLY scary - everything as being thrown at me, I felt like I was never going to pick anything up and I was still terrified of the phones. Luckily, my supervisor caught onto this and slowed everything way down for me. Now, I know I'm not dumb its just that this is a whole different world for me and its A LOT to learn. I'm not just answering the phone - Im mailing packages, updating credit cards, running credit cards, helping to make travel reservations, uploading files, sending letters....etc. The second week I started feeling more comfortable and I'm starting to finding myself doing things probably a month ago I would have been scared to death of. I guess the song is right - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Sometimes when I hear people talk I do feel a little bit out of my league, but my new co-workers are all really nice and have been super supportive.
I'm finally starting to get over that feeling every morning of "OMG what am I doing?" I've realized part of it is as a teacher I woke up every morning and I knew EXACTLY what I was doing at pretty much every minute of the day. I had my folder of all my plans and copies all prepared. Not that I don't know whats coming each day but I'm not armed big heavy bag full of stuff.
Speaking of - lets talk about the awesome discoveries I'm making. First of all, I don't have to carry that big heavy bag of stuff every morning. I don't have those mornings anymore where I'm taking care of last minute details anymore either. I can get up, feed Bailey, relax a little bit before I have to get going (I also have a 20 minute drive as opposed to a 40-45 minute drive! WOOHOO!). And do you know WHY I don't have that big heavy bag anymore? Because I don't spend all my home time working and planning. It's not that I wasn't prepared or unorganized as a teacher, it was just the kind of teacher I was. Always worrying about finding that perfect activities and then having to MAKE most of those activities took a lot of time. Last year, one weekend I went to Disney for an event and had to go home early because I had to work and get ready for the next week. Now, I walk out that door and I'm free until 8:30 the next morning! Also, when I was a teacher even if I was supposed to leave at 5, I was never out of there on time. I was always stuck waiting for someone to relieve me or talking to a parent or finishing up something. Now, my office is a ghost town at 5:05 - 5:03 on Fridays LOL!
It's so nice to feel "normal" again. Its been a long time - since moving to Florida I've either been pretty unhappy with my job or frustrated in a job search or scared of not being able to find a job and freaking out about the future.
While I loved teaching while I did it and really do believe i was put in the lives of my student's for a reason right now Im not feeling like I want to go back to teaching - its fun to feel free and not have to worry about lesson planning or 20 little bodies (and their parents). So right now, Im feeling like Rapunzel when she's running down the hill yelling "I am never going back ever!"
And with that...I'm going to bed! Night night world! :)